Broken memories
by Cosmik
Summary: Many years ago she made him a promise. He had to leave, but when he comes back she broke her promise to save a person... Will they have enough strength to overcome the difficulties? Will their love survive? MistyAsh
1. Prologue

Broken memories 

Summary:

Many years ago she made him a promise. He had to leave but when he comes back, she broke her promise to save a person… Will they have enough strength to overcome all the difficulties? Will their love survive? Misty/Ash 

Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon so please don't sue me...

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my other fic, "Leaving your heart behind" (I'll update it this week), I just wanted to try a different style, a more angsty fic… This is just an experience, so don't be too harsh… I hope this isn't a bit to exaggerated… Well, review and tell m what you think!

Prologue

It was late at night. We could see the splendid dark sky, adorned with millions of fragile, bright stars. A slight breeze danced with the branches of the slender trees and the low rustle of leaves sang mysterious melodies that only the lovers could understand. 

A magnificent lake was disturbed only by a few shy waves that the wind brought, and the sweet scent of wild flowers hovered in the air.

By the edge of the lake, we could see a marble bench where two persons were sat. The first one was a beautiful young girl, around eighteen years, with fiery red hair, a silky, pale skin and deep cerulean eyes. The second was an impetuous boy, with wild, raven hair and sincere brown eyes, the same age as the girl that was with him.

The boy hold in one of his hands a simple white flower that he carefully gave to the girl. She looked at him shyly and smiled softly, her eyes gaining a special glitter and her cheeks blushing slightly.

"You know that I'll never forget you, right?" he asked, taking her hand tenderly.

"I know that Ash, but I don't when I'll see you again… Feelings change…" she replied sadly.

"My feelings for you won't change Misty! It doesn't matter how long we'll be apart, how far we'll be from each other!" Ash replied passionately.

"Are you sure Ash? I'm afraid I might end up hurt…" Misty said uncertain. She knew he would never do something to hurt her, but no one can control his or her heart, and she didn't want him to feel guilty or tied to some old commitment if he found someone else.

"Look at me Misty…" Ash said, squeezing her hands reassuringly, "You trust me right? You know my feelings for you and I won't let you go that easily…" he added, smiling.

She looked at him and saw in his eyes that same love he could see in hers. But she saw something else: she saw truth and hope.

"I'm not letting you go too Ash, because I love you…" Misty said, tears forming in her eyes.

Ash pulled Misty, surrounding her with his arms. He caressed her cheek and whispered "I love you too Misty… And that's why we have to believe…".

Misty closed and leaned closer, smelling his scent, listening to his heart beating.

"I believe… I promise I'll wait for you… There will be no one else in my heart, just you…" she whispered into his chest.

"Everything's gonna be alright… Don't worry…" Ash reassured.

Misty looked at his affectionate eyes and smiled again.

"Yes, it would be hard, but they could do it, they would do it…" she thought.

Then, Ash slowly approached his face they kissed passionately. 

"Yes, they would do it because they loved each other…"

****************************************************************************************************************************************

Misty's POV

"The silence was unbearable… I never thought I would feel like that around him… Just two days after that special night in Cerulean City, when I thought that everything would be all right… I couldn't even look at him when he was driving to the airport… I don't even know why I did that… I should have ceased the moment, gathered as much memories of him as I could… Because that few thousands moments of laughter, of happiness, of intimacy and friendship, that few thousands words of love would never be enough… Now I really don't know how I'll live without him near me… And I know this seems pathetic, I didn't think I was this weak… But then again, I didn't know what was love and I didn't know what was loss… Oh, I was so sure I could do it, but now that the moment as come, now that he's really leaving, I feel so alone and uncertain… I want so badly to leave the gym and all my life behind and go with him… Oh, another warning for the passengers of his flight…Well, the doubts are definitely returning…".

Normal POV

"I guess I have to go…" Ash said hesitantly.

"Yeah, of course… But before you go, I want you to have this…" Misty said with teary eyes, while she took a photo from her pocket.

"A photo of you…" Ash said surprised when he saw it.

Ash's POV

"It was tearing my heart to see Misty like that… I knew she was trying her best to look strong but I knew her too well and I could see it in her eyes… She didn't say a word during our trip to the airport… She didn't even dare to look at me… Squeezing her hands nervously, looking at the window but never at me… I almost stopped the car and said that I was staying, but I knew she wouldn't let me… She was using all her strength to keep that tears from falling, I knew she was…  Oh Misty, I know you too well… Walking with her in the airport, knowing that I was leaving her so soon… It was probably the most painful moment I have ever experienced… Oh, but what I thought was pain was nothing compared to what I felt when I saw her eyes, when she gave me her photo…"

Normal POV

"Yeah…" Misty said, suddenly feeling stupid and embarrassed "It's just because I don't want you to forget me…" she added blushing.

"I'll never forget you Misty…" Ash stated seriously and added "But thank you so much… At least I'll have a bit of you with me…".

"Ash you do have me… In your heart… And you're the only one that will have me…" Misty said, hugging him. 

"Oh, I'll miss you so much Misty!" Ash said sadly.

Misty's POV

I gathered all my strength. I couldn't cry… It would probably persuade Ash and I wanted the best for him: and that would be going to America to realize his dream. There he could win the American League and then so many doors would open for him… Yes, I wouldn't cry; because I learned with him, that when you love someone, you are happy if they're happy… So I'll be happy or him…"

Normal POV

"Come on, move your lazy but or you're gonna miss your flight!" she said smiling.

Ash left her running but before he was out of site he yelled "I love you Misty! I'll be back for you!".

Misty watched him leave with on hand over her heart. She could feel something missing and she already knew what: it was Ash. He was a part of her and it hurt to see him leave…

Misty's POV

'My feelings for you won't change Misty! It doesn't matter how long we'll be apart, how far we'll be from each other!'. "That's what Ash said. So I have to believe in him… So I'll be strong and wait…The tears that I was keeping made their way down my cheeks… God, I'm glad Ash didn't see me like this…"

Ash's POV

I run as quickly as I could… It wasn't just the flight I was worried about, I knew that if I stayed too long I would probably stay with her… I gave my ticket to the hostess but turned around to look at her one last time and right then my heart broke in a million pieces… She was pressing her right hand over her heart, smiling bitterly, letting the tears fall…The other passengers pushed me into the plane, making me lose her sight… I sat in my place and sighed sadly, remembering her last gift. I took her photo from my pocket and looked at if for a while: it was a photo of when she was younger, about 13 years old maybe… She was in her gym, smiling brightly and I couldn't bear to look at it… I turned the photo only to see a few words in her handwriting… It said: 'Dear Ash, I know you probably think that I'm being pathetic, but please don't blame me, I'm not as strong as I wanted to be… I just wanted you to have this because I don't want you to forget me… Please, don't think that I'm demanding something from you… I just have one request: if you fall in love with another person, please cherish all the moments that we had… I promise I won't forget you…Think of me, please? Misty'. Oh god, was it possible that my heart ached even more? This time, the tears were mine, not hers and I didn't dare to hide them.

That's it!

I hope you liked it!

Review, please!

_Cosmik_


	2. Live through the pain

Broken memories

Chapter one: "Live through the pain"

Disclaimer: I don't own pokémon…

Sorry for taking so long! I focused on my other stories and left this one behind… -_- Anyway, here's the new chapter, and I hope you all like it!

Thank you time:

Amber Myst: My first reviewer on this fic! Thank you so much for that! I do hope you find the story interesting… I had a bit of writer's block (not that I'm actually a writer… -_-) so I just hope this is a good chapter… Tell me what you think!  ^_~

Liddo-Kun: Thank you for reviewing! I know it was a sad chapter… A bit to much perhaps… But I tried to think like Misty would in that situation, and that's how I wrote the chapter… Things kind of pour out of me… ^_^  I guess I was a bit depressed that day too, so I guess it did help! ^.^

Shipperness: God, I loved your review! ^_^  I'm glad you liked the first chapter! I just hop you like this one too… And please, feel free to send constructive reviews because I'm always trying to improve my writing style!

And finally, the story…

4 years later…

"I love you, don't you forget that…" Ash said passionately, before he hung up. 

 Misty was looking at her window, absent-minded, with teary eyes.

"He's slowly moving away from me…" she whispered sadly.

He hadn't noticed yet, but she knew it too well… She had given up long ago the stupid notions she used to believe… 'Our love is stronger than any distance, we will make it, together…' Oh, how naïve she was… Misty was forced to mature in the past years because of the suffering she had been through, living every day in a painful solitude that torn her apart… Had she become a bitter person? She tried not to, but it was difficult sometimes… Now, seeing the young couples walk together in the streets, holding hands with a blissful smile in their lips, only made her want to scream with pain, jealousy, sadness… She wanted to be with him, she _needed_ to be with him… Did four years of pain give her the right to demand that? To demand that Ash left his dreams and returned to her? Almost every time Misty asked herself that, she would reply fiercely 'no', but in the cold winter nights, in her lonely walks through the park, in the rainy afternoons where she stayed by her window crying, her will became weak, and she would give anything to be with him just one more time… It was then she would hold on to the memories she had of him, letting her tears fall, taking with them the weakness she didn't want, the weakness she couldn't have if she wished for him to be happy…

"Who ever said love was easy?" Misty asked herself mournfully, a small bitter smile lingering in her lips.

His phone calls were fewer, but she couldn't blame him, he had other things to worry about… Was he taking her for granted? She hated herself for doing this… Thinking of him like an awful person he wasn't… She hated to blame Ash and his stupid stubbornness for all the anguish she was feeling… But a few phone calls and letters weren't enough to keep a relationship alive… Why didn't she tell him this? Misty would rather die a bit every day, drown in her own tears, than seeing Ash coming back with a bunch of hard feelings and broken dreams… Hey, she was still a caring human being after all!

"Might as well take a walk in the park, sitting here obviously doesn't help me…" Misty said out loud, grabbing a blue coat and leaving her room quietly.

She went down the stairs in a slow, agonizing pace, shedding a tear with step she took.

"Pathetic Misty…" she said to herself disapprovingly, wiping her tears and then rubbing her hands, trying to warm them.

Yes, the winter… Perfect to uncover her already unstable emotions, leaving her completely shattered… Nothing she wasn't used to, anyway…

Walking slowly, Misty made her way to Cerulean City Park, leaving behind her small foggy clouds, produced by her breaths. She went to a small wooden bench and sat down, completely exhausted from all the emotions she let, once again, surface…

Anyway, what was keeping her in here? She should just leave this all behind and find Ash… But she couldn't… She had responsibilities, she had to keep her promises… Her sisters' selfish attitude and reckless behaviour was, again, a problem… They didn't care at all for what Misty could feel and kept going in that stupid trips… She hated them! She hated _him,_ for not being there with her…

All she had of him now were his few phone calls, some letters and precious memories… Well, besides the memories, that most times were too painful to remember, she still preferred the letters… They had so much of him… His thoughts, his smell, his time… Most of all, the time that he dedicated only to _her_… Although in the phone she could hear his voice, sometimes he was distracted, in a hurry, and she felt once more alone, once more rejected… 

"Can't he send me his voice in a letter? Or at least his heart in a whisper? There I go again… I'm turning into one of my selfish sisters…" Misty said with trembling voice.

Raindrops started to pour and the wind blew stronger but Misty didn't move. She was still too tired, absorbed in memories and thoughts that she knew too well…

Brock was a useful help for a while… He shared the same pain and he too missed Ash… She could talk to him, tell him all the things she wasn't able to tell Ash, and for a while she felt better… Just bit better, though. But Brock had to leave too… He was offered a job as Professor Elm's assistant and he couldn't miss that chance… He didn't want to leave Misty, he knew she needed help and support… But as Misty did with Ash, she couldn't let Brock waste his future, so she managed a huge smile and some reassuring words that were able to convince Brock, and even herself for a while… And then again she was left alone… Funny thing, you can be surrounded by millions of people, but still feel absolutely alone… Well, but working in the gym could be both a curse and a blessing… Fighting everyday with dozens of trainers keep her occupied and free to even smile sometimes… And slowly she was able to get on her feet again… Safe from her tears during the day, when she battled with her pokémon, and at night accepting her fate, trying to gather strengths to live for another day, waiting for Ash…

By this time, Misty was completely soaked, shaking from the cold and her still weak heart…

"Still not totally cured from my sadness, but attempting at least…" Misty said, finally smiling wider.

She didn't notice someone approach her discreetly, holding an umbrella, until the person asked uncertain:

"Misty Waterflower?"

Misty snapped out of her thoughts and quickly looked at the person. Who was it?

"Yes, I'm Misty… and who are you?" she replied suspiciously.

"I'm Rudy's sister, Marie, and I'm afraid I need your help…" the girl replied nervously, looking away, guilt clouding her eyes.

****************************************************************************************************************************************

Meanwhile, in America…

"I have to call her Pikachu, I didn't want to ruin the surprise, but she seemed so sad…" Ash said to his long time companion.

The pokémon nodded approvingly and quickly handled his master the phone.

"Thanks buddy…" Ash said kindly to his pokémon.

The young man dialled his girlfriend's number nervously.

Would she like the surprise? He was planning to come to Kanto and pick her up for his final match in the American League… He had won the semi-final in that exact day, and the finals were scheduled a month later, giving the trainers some more time to rest and, if they wanted to, train his pokémon. The tournament had been really tough, and he really used the rest… But he wanted to rest with Misty, to spend time with her… He hadn't done that for so long… He hadn't stare into her beautiful blue eyes, telling her that he loved her for _too_ long… 

"But there is always the Gym…" he thought, while he waited for her to pick up the phone.

That's why he thought he should meet her the day before the match… After the whole tournament was over, he could return to Kanto with her and finally be with her… But that would only happen if Misty answered the phone… 

"Come on Misty, pick up…" Ash muttered in a low tone, while tapping his fingers in the small table right beside his bed.

While Ash hold the phone with his right hand, his left on opened a drawer and took a small navy blue velvet box. He smiled sweetly and his eyes shone brighter.

"Come one sleepy, pick up…" he said once more, looking at his little yellow friend, sighing wearily.

"Do you think she got out?" Ash asked Pikachu.

The pokémon looked at him curiously and shrugged. How should _he_ know?

"Oh well… I guess she had funnier things to do… I'll talk to her tomorrow…" Ash said miserably and hung up.

"I just wonder why I get this strange bad feeling all of a sudden…" he said to himself worriedly, turning to look at a picture in the small table.

It was a picture of a young, redhead girl. It was a picture of his redhead. A picture of his Misty.

Finally done!

Sorry for the delay!

I hope you like it!

Please review…

_Cosmik_


	3. A painful choice

Broken memories

Chapter two: A painful choice

Thank you time:

legolas liker: Great chapter? Another? Thank you so much for that! It's reviews like yours that give me the strength to carry on… ^_~ Anyway, I hope you like this one too! Finally, the plot thickens… Just read and find out!

Redroses: I'm glad you like this story too! It's a bit different from my other story and it's my first drama fic, but I'm doing my best… Let's see if you find this chapter interesting too! ^.^

Shipperness: Thank you so much for your review! Nothing wrong in this chapter? Oh, my ego is almost bursting… ^_^ I'm so glad you like my writing style and don't find Misty's thoughts a bit too much… Sad… ^.^  About the velvet box… You got it right! It's a jewellery box but I can't say more… (Ok, if you have a look at Amber Myst's reply you'll know a bit more… ^_~) Oh, Rudy's sister is bringing lots of complications, that's for sure… And I still don't know if Misty and Ash will be able to overcome them… I don't know, but I like an angsty ending… On the other hand I don't want to leave them like that… Oh well, I'll see about that later… Perhaps making two endings?  ^^

Amber Myst: Hi again! Sorry for taking so long to update and thank you for your kind review… Cliffhanger, I know… Sorry, it's the habit! ^_^ I know I'm making Misty OOC, but that's probably the only way of making a drama pokémon fic… ^^ Oh the blue box… I shouldn't be saying this, but I'll tell you… It's your second guess… ^_~ Thank you again for understanding and reviewing!

And now we have the story…

Misty looked dumbfounded… Rudy's sister? The girl she had saved probably ten years ago? The girl whose brother asked her to say with him in his Gym leave…? What was she doing there?

Being finally ripped from her excruciating memories, Misty was starting to feel the piercing cold, the harsh wind, the suffocating rain… But even then she remained quiet, words fading at her sudden surprise… Why was she feeling her heart heavy, announcing that something bad was going to happen?

Marie's eyes revealed that she was in deep thought… Her grip on the umbrella tightened and her eyes darkened even more. She was almost certain she would cause suffering, but she had to… It was her duty to help her brother… He had always protected her, and now she had to do whatever was necessary to rescue him from the sadness that was filling his hollow heart…

"I'm so sorry Misty…" she thought sorrowfully. 

"Can we go to a quiet place?" Marie asked, holding her umbrella above Misty, trying to shield her from the agonizing drops that keep falling from the sky.

"Humm… Sure, we can go to my Gym, it's just a few blocks from here…" Misty replied as she got up, rubbing her freezing arms.

Marie nodded and they started walking slowly, avoiding the small puddles in the ground, each one silent and worried, wondering, thinking, about something that would change Misty's life drastically…

During their quick walk, Misty managed to look discreetly at Marie a few times. She had changed deeply: she looked more mature, taller, her hair a bit longer… But there was something else besides the physical aspects… She looked tired, sad, a bit bitter perhaps… 

"I wonder what happened to her… She said she needed my help… Maybe something related with their Gym…" Misty thought to herself, although deep in her heart she knew it was something much more serious than that…

"We're here… Come in…" she said in a low voice, uncertain of what to do.

"Thank you…" Marie replied shyly, closing her umbrella and leaving it to dry near the doors.

Misty guided the girl into her kitchen, and motioned silently for her to seat by the wooden table. Then, she quickly went to the bathroom and brought a towel with her, using it to give her trembling body some comforting warmth.

Marie was feeling uncomfortable, sitting stiffly in the chair, looking at her pale, fragile hands. She knew she was going to ask too much of Misty, but maybe she would understand… She had to… Marie needed to give her brother the happiness he lost ten years ago, the life he lost ten years ago… Yes, she had to do it… But she was feeling so guilty… She didn't have the right to ask that… It was Misty's choice after all, the choice she made ten years ago, which changed her brother completely… Time couldn't go back, and she wasn't able to modify Misty's feelings… But just a second chance, it was all she asked for… It was all Rudy needed…

"Would you like some hot chocolate?" Misty asked, rescuing Marie from her thoughts.

"Yes, I would… Thank you Misty…" she replied gratefully.

Misty turned to the oven and started her work while Marie glanced at her nervously. A few minutes of silence followed, before Misty managed to speak…

"So, tell me, how is everything in Trovita?" she asked, trying to sound cheerful.

"Oh, in Trovita? It's just… fine, I guess…" Marie replied, looking away, uneasy.

"How are things at the Gym? Lots of trainers challenging Rudy probably…" Misty said distractedly.

"Yeah, I'm… I mean, we're pretty busy…" she answered, making Misty look at her suspiciously.

"Is everything all right…with Rudy?" she asked dreadfully, fearing that his simple name could bring the suffering she was foreseeing and trying to avoid.

Marie was quiet for a moment, watching Misty returning to the table with two fuming mugs.

"I… He…" she started, loosing all her courage when she saw fright in Misty's eyes.

"He's ok… And how about you and Ash?" she quickly asked.

"Oh… We're dating…" Misty replied, her eyes feeling now with sorrow and unshed tears.

"Where is he? In Pallet?" Marie asked curiously, trying to buy some time and gather the strengths she needed.

"Humm… No, in America…" Misty responded, grabbing her mug tightly.

Seeing Marie's confused face, Misty continued painfully: "He's in a tournament… Left four years ago…", her knuckles white from her strong grip in the mug.

"And are you… ok?" Marie asked concerned, recognizing Misty's anguish.

Misty got up quickly, spilling the hot chocolate all over the table and backing away tearfully.

"Yeah, I'm ok, don't worry…" she replied quickly, grabbing the towel she used before, to clean the brown streams of hot liquid.

Marie stood up and grabbed Misty's shoulders slightly. She knew that gloomy eyes, that weary face that a broken heart brought… She saw it everyday in her brother's face… That crestfallen look that a stupid feeling like love could inflict…

"Misty, you're _not_ ok…" she said in a mournful whisper that only showed that she knew _too_ well the lies Misty got used to tell…

They looked each other for a few moments and then Misty broke down…

"Oh, I miss him so much…" she sobbed again, letting another person finally know what she was really feeling.

Marie hugged her and brushed her hair kindly, letting her hands repeat the same gestures she repeated almost every night with her brother…

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It would be difficult… no, it would be impossible, and she couldn't ask her that… Misty loved Ash deeply, she could tell it, and she couldn't ask for anything… She couldn't be that egotistical… But she wanted to be, if that meant saving her brother's life… Even if she would have to leave with an heavy conscience, she would carry that burden for Rudy…

"Thank you for hearing me…" Misty said with a muffled voice that, once again, prevented Marie from telling the whole truth…

"I need him so badly… Sometimes I wonder how I can live another day without his voice, his smell, _him_ near me…" she continued, drenching Marie's blue shirt with her despairing tears.

Marie's eyes shot open. She remembered one night, ten months ago, when Rudy had said to her almost exactly the same thing…

Flashback  *******************************************************************************************************************************

"I love her… I need her so badly Marie… I wonder how I can live another day without her beside me…" a young men with short brown hair and chocolate eyes said mournfully. 

"Oh Rudy… so many years have passed, so much has changed… Forget her, please… I hate to see you suffer like this…" Marie pleaded desperately.

"I can't forget her Marie… I can't explain why, but I just can't… I've tried but I only end up loving her even more…" he answered tearfully.

"You've only saw her once, you can't love her Rudy! Love isn't about pain! Is about happiness and caring… That's not love! That's an obsession about a fantasy that only exists in your mind!!! Stop destroying yourself and move on!" she said harshly, looking deeply into his eyes, grabbing his arms furiously.

Rudy pushed his sister abruptly and yelled in pure rage: "You don't know what's love!!! I didn't need to be with Misty more than once to know that I love her!!! Don't talk about what you don't know!!!"

"I don't know what's love because all I can see in this house is suffering Rudy!!! You left the Gym, your friends, your pokémon… You left _me, _the only one that stood with you, your only family!!! You're completely absorbed by some platonic crush that's consuming your life, only making you sink even deeper in your depression! I won't allow that, I love you too much to see you try to commit suicide again Rudy!!! I won't let you!!!"  Marie yelled, tears streaming down her face.

The sound of a slap echoed in the entire, empty Gym, and then a bitter silence filled the building.

Marie stood there, looking utterly shocked, with one hand in her face. Her expression was blank but her eyes showed what she didn't dare to say… This wasn't Rudy… This wasn't her older brother, the one who used to protect her in every way he could… Most of all, this wasn't her friend, the companion that gave her the courage to overcome all the difficulties they went through… The tears that had been flooding her eyes and sliding down her cheeks dried because they were useless… Even her tears weren't able to show the sadness and disappointment she was feeling at that moment… She had failed... She had tried her best to save Rudy from the darkness that had taken over him but to no avail… She was disappointed with him for not having struggled, and with her for not being able to help him…

"Sor-sorry Marie…" Rudy said with a weak, defeated voice, grabbing her hands gently.

Marie looked at him again, not knowing what to say… It wasn't the slap that caused the pain she was feeling, it was him… The shadowy figure that he had become…

"I'm so wrong! No one loves me and I hurt the only person I could trust…! Sorry Marie…" he said before running away, leaving her alone in the Gym, motionless.

She was almost sure of what he was going to do but she couldn't move… It was like she was watching everything in a film: she could see but not participate… Another surreal dream that was going to take place in her life… Her brother was going to take is life… He was going to kill himself…

"NO, RUDY!!!!!!!" Marie yelled, finally able to regain the control of her body and running after him.

***************************************************************************************************************************************

"I hated you for so long Misty… When I was too young to realize that it wasn't your fault what was happening with Rudy… When I only saw you as the source of his despair… And only now that I saw that you too feel pain and loneliness, I can say that I don't hate you anymore… Again Misty, I'm sorry…" Mari thought sadly.

"Misty…" she said out loud, making Misty back away slowly, wiping her tears.

"I'm sorry, I got a bit carried away…" Misty quickly apologized.

"It's not that Misty… I have to tell you something really important and ask for your help…" Marie started seriously, using all her courage to keep talking.

Misty felt panic filling her heart, but remained quiet and only nodded. It was time to hear and stop avoiding it… If she just ignored the fear Marie's words brought she would be fine… 

"Misty, when you left us ten years ago you decided to be with Ash instead of being with Rudy… Well… He…" she took a deep breath and continued "He is still in love with you… In fact, he never forgot you and was never able to accept that you choose Ash over him…"

Misty remained silent, squeezing her hands nervously, amazed with everything she was hearing, but still felt that the worse was yet to come…

"What I'm trying to say is…" Marie said, switching her gaze from her hands to Misty's eyes "He's in depression and he already tried to kill himself three times… I don't know what to do…"

The two girls were silent for a few moments. Misty was absolutely taken aback, feeling guilty and hollow. Why couldn't she just be happy?

Marie was trying to avoid the tears but found that impossible… She looked at Misty again and completely hated herself for doing that, but she had to…

"Misty…" she started with a fragile voice "I need your help… I'm afraid for Ruby and although I love him dearly, I can't seem to be able to help him, so I'm asking you: would you go out with him? Please, give him something to live for…"

Now it was Misty's choice: to make someone happy and probably ruin her own happiness or let Rudy die in his own desolation… 

And in the table, the hot chocolate was long forgotten…

Finally!

Sorry if it's too long!

I hope you like it and review!

Don't worry about my other stories, I'm working on them and I'll update as soon as possible! 

_Cosmik_


	4. To give your heart away

"Broken memories"

Chapter four: "To give your heart away"

Disclaimer: I do not own pokémon, I'm just a poor fan with too much imagination…

I decided to repost this chapter after seeing some mistakes in it… (and seeing that no one reviewed… pathetic huh?)

Thank you time:

DaJollyMan: Hey again! Thank you for reviewing this story! Do you like the storyline? I tried to make it as original as possible… Anyway, about the ending… I really don't know what to do… I have already thought of a "tragic" ending (not tragic really… more angsty, dramatic…) but I don't know what to do… I guess I have to decide that later… Well, I hope you like this chapter too!

Amber Myst: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked the last chapter (couldn't find a single thing wrong with it?) but I'm sorry to disappoint you, Misty will help Rudy… It is a drama fic after all, right? Let's see what's going to happen and how this is going to end (just a first experience, so I hope you all like it!)…

DigiDestined of Courage: Hi! Well, this fic is an AAML, but Misty will date Rudy… Sorry! If she didn't, this would be like any other fic, and I'm doing my best to make this more unique! Well, I hope you continue to review nonetheless, and like this chapter!

Shipperness: Cliffhanger, I know, I know… Sorry, but I had to leave it in a place where people would be anxious and curious (are you?)… About Rudy… Yeah, I know, it's "a bit" farfetched to say that Rudy has loved Misty for the last ten years and did nothing about it but mourn, but what can I say? I didn't want another cliché story where Rudy would be the bad guy, trying to break Ash and Misty apart… In this fic, there's no such thing as "bad guy", only victims of some circumstances… Everyone has his or her burdens, and everyone suffers, like any human being… About Ash: I'm really sorry I didn't put him in this last chapter, but I thought it was already long enough, so I had to put him in this one… Thank you for always reviewing!

legolas liker: That's right, always working to please my readers… I'm glad you liked this chapter too! Keep reviewing please!

* * *

And finally, the story…

Misty punched her pillow once more, letting her anguish run free with her desperate tears…

Help… He needed someone to help him… He needed _her_ help… But who would help _her_?

Marie had left her completely shattered… Another burden to carry… The life of someone was in her own hands… She was already so fragile, so weak, and now she had to be strong for Rudy too… But where, where would she find the strength she needed to leave her love once again, to leave her feelings, her happiness, to _die_ once again…?

Forget her own feelings and her own heart, only to give life and hope to someone in need… To save someone who lost his will because of her…

She didn't deserve to suffer more… She just wanted to be happy, forget about everything but her love for Ash… She wanted to finally be selfish and make him return to her, only to her… Oh, life was so painful… She was so tired of it all, so weary…

Leave everything behind and be with Ash… Finally have a few seconds of pure, utter bliss, with the only person she had always loved… Finally cry with him, let him know all her fears, all her grief and sorrow… Finally hold him once more, kiss him endlessly, in his face, his cheeks, his hair, his lips… Finally touch his hands one more time, feel his rough, tender skin, his caring fingers in her own, just once more… Finally look into his sincere eyes and feel the warmth they had, to regain the hope she too had lost…

"He already tried to kill himself three times…"

Those words flooded her mind, leaving Misty's heart numb, drowning her in guilt and remorse…

It was her decision…

"I beg you to accept Misty… I can't stand to see Rudy like this… I'm so afraid he might… I… I just ask you to see him one more time Misty… Please…"

"See him just _one_ more time…" Misty chuckled bitterly.

She knew it wasn't true… Although Marie _wished_ it were true, her eyes showed she didn't believe in it… To accept what she was asking, meant to sacrifice her relationship with Ash, the love that she cherished for so long within her heart, the love she hid for so long, afraid of what it meant and could bring… The love that, once found, was her true source of happiness and strength…

"Please Misty, don't tell Ash this… Don't tell anyone… If Rudy finds out that I came to ask for your help he… I really don't know what he would do… The only thing that still manages to keep him alive, is the slim hope of you returning to him… I think the humiliation would be enough to… To kill him Misty…"

Marie cried desperately, pleading for her help… But her tears were nothing compared to Misty's… What pain could be greater than to love and be loved, and even so having to leave the most important person in her life? Ash would hate her… She would have to lie to him, tell him she didn't love him anymore when, instead, she longed even more for him, with each day that passed…

How could she tell such a lie if the sole thought of that ripped her soul apart?

* * *

"What's happening Mist?" Ash said in a low tone, looking at her old photo, sitting in his bed.

He wanted to be with her so badly… She hadn't picked the phone yesterday, which was quite strange and left him really worried, keeping him up the whole night… Yes, he had talked to her just a few minutes before, but he felt that something was wrong with her, and when he finally decided to reveal his plans, determined to make her happy in any way he could, she didn't pick up… He knew she was suffering, he noticed that in her voice, when they talked once more on the phone… Maybe she felt lonely? He couldn't blame her if she did… He could only blame himself for that… Him and his damned ambition… But after all those years suffering from the distance between them, all those years when he reached the phone every night, ready to tell her the he was going back, but never dialled her number, all those painful years away from his best friend and, most of all, his childhood love, he was finally so close to his goal…

All this time away from her amazing, fiery hair, from her sweet, honest eyes, from her delicate, perfect figure, only made his love grow even more… Every single day, when he thought he couldn't make it, when the sadness brought tears to his eyes and left him weak, devastated, he would look into her picture, inhale her fading scent once more and it would all be all right… For one more day, for just one more day…

He hated to hear her broken voice telling that everything was ok when it wasn't; it just made him feel like the cruellest person on Earth… He just wanted that _her_ pain was _his_ own… But it already was, because whenever she felt abandoned, he felt like he was dying from a bitter solitude, and if she cried mournful words, he screamed with grief, trying to make her hear him again…

So many times in the phone he would get lost in his own thoughts, remembering the blissful love they had lived for a while, before his dreams took him away from her… And then, he would sense her misery again… Did she feel he was neglecting her? Didn't she understand that when he left Kanto, his family and friends, he also left his heart behind? Didn't she understand that he left his heart with her?

"Should I try to phone her again?" Ash asked his friend Pikachu.

The small pokémon lifted his head lazily and looked at his trainer. Snuggling indolently in his master's lap was one of his favorite hobbies, but he could see that Ash was really worried… So he responded with a slight nod, pushing Ash slightly to the phone, giving him courage to do it.

Ash picked the phone and stared at it blankly for a few moments. Pikachu nudged him softly, rescuing him from his reverie.

"Erm… Oh yeah, sorry buddy…" Ash fell silent once more. A few seconds of heavy silence followed, before he asked sadly:

"Do you really think she still loves me?"

Misty's photo fell to the ground and Pikachu quickly got it, handing to his master again. The little pokémon jumped to Ash's lap once again and reassured him with a simple, yet meaningful look.

Ash gave him a tender smile and pet him gently.

"Because I really love her Pikachu, and I don't want to lose her…" he said in a whisper, while in one hand he had the phone, and the other hold tight the small velvet box he treasured so deeply…

* * *

Hours passed in a slow, agonizing pain…

The doubts followed Misty into her uneasy dreams, torturing her already anguished soul and forcing her to make a decision…

What decision? Her heart had chosen long ago what to do… She had to help Rudy; she had to give him what she had stolen: the hope that guided his life, the will that gave him the strengths to go on…

And Ash…

She had to let go of Ash… She had to give up on her love; she had to forget it, bury it in some faraway corner of her heart and prepare for a life of sacrifice and sorrow…

It was her duty… Her duty to suffer and to let Ash suffer too, in order to prevent someone from feeling more pain… Inflict pain and yet, at the same time, bring happiness… How was that possible? Life was indeed strange sometimes…

Let go of it all… Her life, her problems, her love… Everything… No! She wasn't a coward! She would never do that! To end _her_ pain, causing grief to others? Never! She often thought of being selfish as some kind of a privilege she could never have if she wanted Ash to be happy… And she had always refused it, even in her mourning, and in her saddest days… So, once again, she would forget about herself for someone else… For Rudy…

"What…?" Misty asked distractedly, the phone inviting her to leave her problems behind for a few minutes.

She looked at it for a while… It was early in the morning, and no one used to call her at that time of day… But she already knew who was: Ash…

"Please, not now…" she begged tearfully.

But it didn't hear her… It kept ringing anxiously, making Misty gather all the courage she could at that moment and pick it up… It had to end… Right then…

"Hello?"

* * *

"Hello?"

Ash so surprised to see that Misty finally answered the phone… He had already given up and was ready to hung up when he heard her voice… She sounded miserable… What was wrong?

"Misty, how are you? I was so worried! I felt you were gloomy yesterday, and when I called later, you didn't answer…"

"I… Huh, I… I had some problems… At the gym…" she lied.

Ash stayed in silence for a few moments. She was lying and he hated lies… Maybe she just didn't want him to know she was sad because of him…

"I know you were really depressed yesterday Misty, and I know I'm probably the cause of it…"

Oh, he was the cause… But now, she was feeling completely wretched, even more than before, and although he wasn't to blame, he was certainly involved… Even more than he knew…

"I… I want to tell you something…" they both said at the same time.

"Please, let me say it first… I know it's not much of a gentleman of me, but I'm sure you'll like to know this…" Ash said nervously, smiling wide.

"I doubt it…" Misty thought dreadfully, but instead she replied "Ok, you first…"

"So… Humm… I- I'm going to Kanto in a few days and I would like to take you with me to America, to see my final match… After that, we could be together, finally…" he ended softly, tightening the hold in the velvet box in his hand.

"What…?" Misty replied shocked, feeling the urge to cry overwhelming her.

No, this couldn't be happening… She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve this! And what would she tell him now?? That she wanted to break up?? No, that she _had_ to break up?? What should she do?

"Be with him just one more time…" a voice in her head said.

" That's… that's just great Ash! When am I seeing you?" she sad, tears sliding down her cheeks silently.

Just one more time… Be happy just one more time…

* * *

Another chapter done!

I hope you like it!

Please review!

_Cosmik_


	5. Sweet sorrow

Broken memories

Chapter five: "Sweet sorrow"

Disclaimer: No, I don't own pokémon…

Sorry for taking sooo long to update this story! I'll try not to take so long from now on…

Thank you time:

DigiDestined of Courage: Thank you for reviewing! Yeah, that's right, they'll have one last opportunity to be together and enjoy their love… For a few moments… They'll see each other after this, don't worry! But they won't be exactly happy, obviously… Well, I hope you like this chapter too!

otto phoenix: Well, I liked your review, it was beautiful… But I didn't entirely understand it… Anyway, you're right, I think showing your feelings is one of the best things in life, and love does have an important place in my heart!

Misty's D: Hey, thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked my story, it's because of your help that I started writing in the first place! About Misty and Ash… She will 'dump' him, I'm sorry! But I still don't know if they'll end up together, so don't lose your hopes just yet! Anyway, about your story… Good, romance! I just hope it's between Ash and Misty… And action, even better! Oh, don't worry about your other reviewers… I'm sure that they'll understand you after they find out your reasons for taking long, and if they don't forget them; they aren't worth your dedication!

jade destiny: Sorry! I really needed the 'wake up call'… I've been so busy that I completely neglected all my stories… But I will try to not repeat this, really…

Sorry again and please be patient with me…

* * *

And finally, the story…

"In a couple of hours I'll be with him…"

The previous four days had passed in a swift, fluid motion, while Misty remained in the cold, numb prison that her sadness brought. It was all so surreal, so distant from everything she could ever imagine in her most wonderful dreams, and yet, at the same time, in her most dreadful nightmares…

Every little bit of happiness she would feel that day, would always be tainted with the most unbearable pain she had ever felt… How could she possibly savour the first moments she would have with Ash in so many years, if she knew that they would be the last ones too? How could she truly enjoy his touch, his smell, his voice, when she kept hearing Marie's excruciating words in her mind over and over again?

Misty embraced herself tightly, in an attempt to find some comfort in all the coldness surrounding her.

"I can't do this… I'm not going to see him… I just… can't."

She was not being coward. She just didn't want to feel even _more_ pain… If she could avoid it, she would.

Even if that meant to ignore her sore heart, aching for the sight of her love again…

She could run away… Run away from all the promises she ever made… The promise to wait for Ash, the promise to help Rudy… What about the promise she made to herself? The promise to be happy and move on with her life? How could she help others and forget about herself? Hadn't she suffered enough already?

She was too tired to search the strengths she needed… Too tired for the emotions she was going to feel… Too tired to even _breath_…

Her bedroom was suffocating her. The ground was covered with dozens of childhood pictures, caring old gifts and precious love letters… Promises and hope were buried under tones of tears and bitterness the distance had brought…

"I'll run away."

Misty got up instantly and gave in to her impulse. She had to run away from the chaos that had overcome her room, her mind… She knew she wouldn't be able to see Ash and let him go again… So she preferred not seeing him… At all.

In a few seconds she was out of her room, already running down the stairs that would lead her out of that hurting… For the time being at least.

"One more step… Only one more step…"

It was all that it took. In a few fleeting moments she would be free from that burden… She would run until she couldn't take another stride, she would cry until she couldn't shed another tear, she would scream until she couldn't utter another word. Perhaps then, she would be empty of any feelings that used to inhabit her soul. And, _maybe,_ she would be happy.

But, even so, and although her promise to Marie tied her destiny to Ruby's, and her future to her sadness, Misty couldn't help but feel in the deepest of her heart, a small, deceiving glow that told her everything would be all right. And that was one of the things that still hurt the most.

"Why???" Misty screamed angrily, closing her eyes and fastening her pace to finally leave the gym, and all her past behind her.

"Misty?" a surprised voice asked.

A male voice. _His_ voice.

Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened slowly. It was _him_, she could feel it. All her senses were immediately assaulted by his characteristic sweetness and candid presence… And all the memories rushed into her core again.

"Where were you going? Were you _that_ anxious to see me?" Ash asked teasingly.

Misty kept looking at the ground, her eyes and expression blank, but her heart racing furiously.

"Mist? What's wrong?" he inquired uneasy.

Everything seemed to slow down. The sun seemed to be leisurely crawling in the sky, the wind seemed to have stopped… Time froze. Only a few raindrops staining the ground seemed to indicate that life continued its course.

"It has been so much time since I last heard him call me that…" Misty thought sadly, with a small smile forming in her lips.

Words were forgotten, her mouth was dry... Everything in her was pure shock and uncertainty. Feelings tangled, sorrows elapsed… But, at the same time, so very present in her own soul, that she thought she was going crazy…

"Misty? Are you ok?"

She noticed him putting down some suitcases and approach in a quick, preoccupied pace. But still, she wasn't able to react in any way…

"Mist? Look at me, please…" he asked softly, lifting her face with his finger.

"No, please, I don't want to… I don't to fall in love once again…" Misty thought to herself as she felt the drops hitting her face harshly.

_Open your eyes_.

She did. And saw right then a handsome young men looking worriedly at her.

_Ash_.

He had changed a lot: he was taller, more masculine… With wider shoulders, and a vigorous stance that before wasn't so perceptible...

But, even so, he maintained that same innocence and determination in his eyes, the things that made her love him in the first place.

That warm eyes… She had missed them the most. They were a gateway to his soul, showing every single thing he was feeling, and at the same time, letting her know she could always rely on him.

"Oh Misty, why are you crying?"

She didn't even notice the tears falling. Everything was so sudden… She didn't expect him to arrive so soon. Misty kept thinking she would have enough time to prepare herself… Or to run away. But before she could do so, Ash arrived and with him came all the blissful memories they shared… And they drowned away her grief, tricking her into believe everything was all right.

"A… Ash…?" Misty asked with a fragile voice.

His face relaxed and his lips curved into a sweet smile.

"I missed your voice…" he whispered gently, holding her hands with careful indulgence.

She smiled wider and closed her eyes again, letting more tears slide down her cheeks.

Ash pulled her closer, and let her cuddle in his arms. He also closed his eyes and inhaled Misty's scent for a few moments before smiling wider and saying:

"I'll never leave you again."

Misty's smile disappeared as she felt a pang in her heart.

"Just promise me… You'll stay with me this night." she murmured, holding him tighter.

"What?" Ash asked puzzled.

"I don't want to think of the future… What matters to me is the now, the present. So please, don't leave me this night…" Misty begged, burying her face in his chest.

Ash raised his eyebrows at her words, but nodded nonetheless.

"If that's what you want me to say… I'll stay with you this night."

"Thanks."

The rain kept falling, while the sun finally found its way through the clouds and set down.

Ash took his coat and covered Misty, trying to warm her and shelter from the drops.

"Mist, we better go inside… You're cold and I don't want you to get sick…"

Misty stiffened and stayed in silence for a few moments before answering:

"I don't want to enter the gym now… Too many bitter memories in there…"

It was Ash's turn to stay quiet. His eyes darkened a bit, and his expression was gloom for a couple seconds. But he finally replied with an affectionate grin:

"We'll make new, happy memories then!"

Misty smiled sullenly.

"We can't do that…" she thought to herself, but said instead "Please, take me to the park."

"The park? But… why?" he asked confused.

She sighed wearily and moved away to look in is eyes.

"Please, no questions tonight Ash… Promise me you'll just stay with me, and let us enjoy this little moments of contentment…"

He pondered her request and nodded in agreement.

They would have their whole life to talk… Tonight, it would be just to feel her next to him, and savour her beauty once more…

"I promise then."

And the last raindrop touched the ground.

* * *

Another chapter done…

Once again, I'm really sorry to have neglected this story, and most of all the people reading it…

I'll try not to do this again, and update my other stories soon…

_Cosmik_


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